Getting yourself out of an emotionally or psychologically abusive relationship is difficult, but when there is a marriage involved, the steps become more complicated. Emotionally, you have your own possible ambivalence to contend with, as well as the continuing programming and influence of your abuser to deal with. However, if you are feeling increasingly inferior, incompetent, or even crazy around your partner, leaving may be the best option to preserve your emotional and mental well being.
Of course, if you feel there is any chance that the emotional abuse may turn into physical, please contact a counselor who specializes in domestic violence issues, or a domestic violence shelter to construct a "safe plan" for escape. Otherwise, know it will be a rocky road, but you will make it through. Here are 2 practical strategies to getting out of an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage:
1. Cover your legal bases. Expect that your spouse will likely get more difficult and the gloves may really come off when you announce the intention to leave. Hire an attorney immediately and make sure you find one who is understanding and sympathetic toward the emotional abuse you
have been suffering in the relationship. It is important that he or she understand that you will likely be facing a combative and disagreeable ex. If your concerns extend to your children, and you worry about your ex's parental competence, be sure to request a custody or parenting time evaluation right away, as these can take several months to complete.
2. Set yourself up financially for the divorce process. Get a credit card in your own name, while your spouse's and your credit is combined. Get your own bank account set up, and put an emergency stash of funds in it. If you are concerned about tipping off your spouse to your planning too soon, try asking for cash back when using a debit card, then putting this extra money in the account. Just be sure to disclose it when requested to do so. Make copies of everything financial, including bank statements, loan statements, insurance policies, W-2's, tax returns, 401K statements, investment statements, property appraisals, car titles, mileage plan statements, employee reimbursement plans, credit card statements, and the like. Your attorney can give you the exhaustive list of what will be needed to assess your full financial picture.